Party Lane Bot
by ShadisticArchdevil
Summary: One of them is out for the blood of Noxians and pure hatred fills his minds of his past. The other is a pretty boy obsessed with annoying the aformentioned. Rated M for vulgar language, steamy scenes, and crude humor.


**Shadistic: So not only do we need more harem funny stories, but I'm also helping an author kick-start his FF career! Say Hi to SlayerGH.**

**Slayer: Hey there guys**

**Shadistic: Anyways we have a complete humor with some action and lots of harem scenes. Avert your eyes, because it will get steamy now and then.**

**Slayer: This should be an interesting first time… if you know what I mean.**

_**Party Lane Bot**_

_**Chapter 1: Not a Kill Lane**_

_**A collaboration between SlayerGH and ShadisticArchdevil**_

_VICTORY!_

The announcer boomed through the microphone as Ezreal and Varus blew up the enemy Nexus. It had been another good match, with both of them having a K/D of about 11.3. They played kill lane bottom, since they were two marksmen. With Ez's skillshots and Varus' stacks on his targets, maneuvering and chasing was no big deal whatsoever. The only problem was the difference in personas. Ezreal, the Prodigal Explorer, who was quite outgoing and humorous, teamed up with Varus, the Arrow of Retribution, who was silent and monotone, but the two tended to hang out a lot in their downtime. Ezreal's constant discoveries of new artifacts also gave Varus the chance to travel to areas where he could practice his shooting.

"Another great match, eh Varus?"

"Eh, if you say so."

"Lighten up a bit, dude. You gotta enjoy life sometimes, I mean, hell, they're throwing a Piltover/Ionian party tonight, and I heard some Demacians will be there, too!"

"I'm not too big on parties. I'd rather be out practicing my shooting"

"Awwww, c'mon dude. You're coming or else!"

"Or else what? You're going to drag me there?"

"Actually I had no plan for or else, but that sounds great!"

"Great…"

Ezreal laughed as the two returned to their Marksmen/Mage dormitories. Miss Fortune and Ashe were playing Poker with Graves, and the others were out, doing god knows what. It was time for the break. Every week or so, champions would receive a two to three day break so their mental state would not be overly-complicated and they would not go insane. Of course, Varus would try to get peace, but Ezreal would drag him to all sorts of places. And this time, Varus was going to be forced to go to some bullshit party that he didn't want to go to.

Varus was getting his gear ready to leave for some training. He had his daily routine on break: Train and avoid getting dragged into things with Ezreal. He grabbed his bow and headed for the door when Ezreal cut him off.

"What do you want now Ezreal?"

"Well, it's simple. I want you naked at the party. But since we both know it won't happen, you're coming to the party with me. But first, I think we should buy you some clothes. I mean, you look sexy as heck without a shirt, but some people aren't into that. Let's go."

"I was just on my way out. Couldn't it wait?"

"Nope. Cause then you won't be back 'til our break is over. Let's go."

"I'll be blunt. I don't want to get dragged to this party."

"YOU KNOW. YOUR ARROWS ARE BLUNT. It doesn't matter."

Ezreal literally grabbed Varus' hair and off they went, with Varus occasionally shooting the back of Ezreal's knee with an arrow. They went to try out some new skins, eventually settling on Frosted Ezreal and Arclight Varus.

"I can't believe you literally dragged me to this shop."

"And bought you clothes. Trenderman would be proud of you. Now, let's go to that party and I'm sure you can have some nice chats with Zyra, Soraka, or some other ladies there. You won't regret it."

"I don't have a choice do I?"

"Well, you could go back and train alone, and look pathetic and watch your reputation drop lower than it already is."

"I feel like you have been waiting a while to use that line."

"HELL YEAH! NOW LET'S PARTY VARUS! IT'S NOW OR NEVER BRO!"

"I prefer never."

They two headed towards the brightly lit building in multiple colors. Much to Ezreal's surprise, Varus didn't have to be dragged to the area. He simply tightened his scarf and covered his mouth. Pretty boy smirked and the two approached the door, only to be interrupted by a bouncer of some sorts. And by bouncer, it was Blitzcrank.

"BEEP BOOP! NAMES PLEASE."

"Ezreal and Varus."

"IDENTITY CONFIRMED. EZREAL, THE PRODIGAL EXPLORER. VARUS, THE ARROW OF RETRIBUTION."

"Thanks Blitz old buddy."

"I AM A ROBOT. WE HAVE NO EMOTIONS. CONTINUE."

"Well, as much as I don't want to be here, I didn't expect Blitzcrank to be here."

"That's only the beginning! Now, I'll introduce you to some of my friends, and then we'll meet up later tonight okay? No getting laid without Uncle Ez's permission, child."

"I don't even want to be here. What makes you think I'm going to have sex with anyone?"

"Well. I'll leave it at this. 10/10 would bang. So have fun out there, just don't get too wild."

"Is one of those you?"

"Shut up!"

Ezreal laughed and lead Varus to his group of friends. More like with benefits. Sona, Zyra, Lux, Master Yi, Ahri, Soraka, Jayce, Heimerdon-dinger, and some others. They were all dressed in somewhat revealing outfits. Well, except Jayce, who was dressed up in a white tux.

"JAYCE!"

"EZREAL!"

"Draven?"

"NOT DRAVEN. DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVEN!"

"Oh dear god…"

"A Noxian? LET ME AT HIM!"

Ezreal held him back as Draven walked into the party, thinking he owned the place or something. Last we saw, he was being dragged out by Blitz's arm and you could hear some electric shocks going off and the fire alarm going off. It quickly died down and Ezreal greeted Jayce with a high-five. The two were good friends because of the time in Piltover. Varus, being the lonely guy he is, simply nodded in approval.

"Ezreal, who's your friend?"

"You've never seen him? He's Varus. THE MANLIEST OF ALL MANLY ARCHER NAKED MEN!"

"...Ezreal. Proper introductions are the best."

"Don't sweat it, kiddo. You should talk to Zyra, since both of you seem to take similar interest."

Ezreal winked and nudged Varus, who refused to move. It took about 2 nudges before Ezreal pushed Varus onto Zyra, who then fell over, creating quite the situation.

Varus got up then helped Zyra to her feet. He glared at Ezreal and quickly apologized to Zyra for the accident.

"I'm sorry for that."

"IT'S OKAY VARUS. THAT 'ACCIDENT' WAS NOT IN VAYNE!"

"Shut up!

"THAT'S 'VAR-Y' IMPOLITE OF YOU!"

At this point Ezreal was dragged away by the others, leaving Zyra and Varus alone. Varus sighed and the two just stood there, awkwardly for a moment, just gazing at each other.

"What's with Ezreal?"

"He's always like this with me. He even forced me to come tonight."

"I didn't want to be here either. Lux almost literally dragged me here."

"Oh. Why is it that it's fitting that the Lady of Luminosity is just as bright and cheerful as Ezreal. That's probably why they are dating, though Ez is too much like a girl for anyone…"

The two smirked at the comment, then fell silent once more.

_Meanwhile Ezreal had been gagged and tied down to a chair in the back room._

"VARUS! IS THAT YOU?"

Varus kept silent in order not to draw Syndra's attention. She was looking around from him, to the point at which Varus leaped behind Zyra and hugged her legs.

"Varus what are you-"

Zyra was silenced as his head pressed into her buttocks.

"VARUS YOU-"

"WHERE IS HE?!"

"EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!"

Varus leaped back up and began running for the door. Zyra cut him off halfway across the room forcing him to head toward the back room. This time Syndra stopped him in his tracks by throwing a beer bottle at him. After a quick turn, he ran full on into Garen, who fell to the floor with a confused look on his face.

"Why does Varus get all the girls?"

As the women closed in on him, he jumped on the nearest table out of desperation. he began leaping from table to table, occasionally stepping on someone's head just to make it across the gap. About halfway across the room, his foot got caught on someone's head and Varus fell onto a table, breaking it in two. Varus along with Heimerdinger picked themselves up off the ground only to find Zyra and Syndra standing over them.

"Oh boy…"

"VARUS! WHY ARE YOU RUNNING FROM YOUR LOVER!"

"Who said we were lovers? I never agreed to this."

Zyra stared at Varus with a strange look in her eyes. Varus was still breathing heavy from the chase. Syndra noticed Zyra's look and began mocking her.

"What is that jealousy that I see in your eyes Zyra?"

"WHAT!?"

"You heard me. You _are _jealous that Varus and _me_ have a thing."

"WE DON'T HAVE A -"

"SHUT UP VARUS! YES WE DO!"

"Seems like someone needs to raise their dongers…"

"That voice…"

"What's up Varus? I see you're in a bit of a situation here."

"Shut up and help me Jarvan."

"Mmm. I think it's for your own good. Enjoy!"

And the prince leaves the sight as quickly as he joined. Varus was still looking up at the two girls, and he was soon dragged into a room. Heimerdinger laughed and adjusted his glasses.

In the other back room there was one chair and, for some reason, a small changing area. After tying Varus to the chair, the two girls went and changed into some more revealing clothes.

"Where did you two get those clothes from?"

"Don't you know what these rooms are for silly?"

"Wait what?"

Syndra began getting closer to Varus exposing parts of her breasts.

"SYNDRA! STOP! I-"

"COME HERE!"

She pounced on Varus, shoving his face into in her chest. Zyra approached from behind and saw what was happening.

"Hey! Share him Syndra!"

"NO! HE. IS. _MINE!_"

"Let me go! I can't breathe!"

"Get off and let me have some of him!"

"A little help!"

"SHUT UP, SLAVE!"

"SYNDRA! SHARE!"

"NO, HE IS _MY _LOVER! NOT YOURS!"

"If I willingly stripped myself, will both of you shut up and leave me alone?"

The two stopped fighting and stared at Varus. They nodded and began untying him. Varus stood up and removed his cloak. The ladies awed and stood there with their mouths hanging open in amazement. They couldn't believe that Varus, of all people, was willingly stripping in front of them.

"He's so...MANLY!"

"Am I free to go now?"

"He doesn't even wear any underpants."

"We can't let him leave now. Not with this opportunity."

"Wait. What?"

"DON'T WORRY VARUS I GOT YOUR BACK!"

Everyone's favorite pretty boy busted the door down successfully, even with girls clinging to his backside, showing most of his skin. Varus facepalmed and began to put his clothes on.

"I'LL SAVE YO- Varus take your clothes off."

"Wait, you're gay?"

"No. You can't pass up this opportunity. You can get double servings tonight, and here you are denying it. Have some fun once in awhil-"

And with that Varus was tied down, naked this time, as Ezreal was dragged out the door and the door was locked shut.

"WAIT! EZREAL! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE LIKE THIS! I'M A VIRGIN AND DON'T WANT TO GIVE THAT UP YET!"

"You don't have a choice here Varus. You WILL give it up tonight."

"Wait, wha-"

With that the two girls took their clothes off and made their way towards the exposed and vulnerable Varus.

"HEY! I told you I didn't want to. That also means that I don't want YOU!"

"DOESN'T MATTER! IT'S SEXY TIME!"

"Shit. I was hoping that would work."

"Hey Zyra look. He got bigger."

"Wait. Oh crap. Curse you hormones…"

_Meanwhile behind the door to the room, Ezreal was listening to what was going on between the three. _

"Lux. Get the camera. We're getting a deeper look."

"Ezreal, I swear we will pull you back to the room if you don't shut up."

"Shhhh. I'm listening to Varus' first time. THEY GROW UP SO FAST."

"Why do you always sound so gay?"

"I am not gay! I'll prove it to you!"

And Ezreal grabbed Lux and pulled her into a room, leaving the rest of the night a mystery to those not present.

**The Next Day**

Varus and Ezreal were walking home after the long night. Ezreal had the stupidest grin on his face after the events of the previous night. Varus was still upset he had been dragged along.

"I hate you…"

"No, you love me, and you know it."

"Okay, I swear you're gay."

"Varus, stop saying that. You're making me mad. Don't make me call over Syndra and Zyra for a sleepover tomorrow!"

"Sorry."

"You better damn right be sorr-"

From across the street a mob of girls saw the two walking and charged across at them.

"...Fangirls…"

The two began to run as fast as they could, but, before they got far, they were surrounded.

"Now what?"

"Now. WE RIDE!"

"What."

Ezreal pulled Cho'Gath out of a bush and hopped on his back. He pulled Varus onto Cho and he smacked Cho's back.

"HI HO CHO'GATH, AWAY!"

"You will NEVER say that again... Ezreal. Let's go home. You had too much to drink and I think Leona will be pissed if you throw up inside her house."

"Wait, since when did we live in her house?"

"Since you burned the house down with your Trueshot, now let's go."

"We were only out for the entire night. How could I have done that?"

"Shut up before I leave you here."

The two set off for home, with Ezreal stumbling over rocks and tripping on air. Varus sighed as they opened the door, only to be tackled by Syndra, Zyra, and Diana.

"WHAT IS HAPPENING-"

"LOOK WHO MOVED IN WITH YOU VARUS~"

"EZREAL NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR JOKES! SAVE ME OR BEGONE!"

"SEE YA! WHERE'S LUX?"

"God damn i-"

"I hope you like having sex, Varus. Cause that's all that'll be happening for the rest of your life."

"F*** my life."

"Always."

Leona laughed and approached Varus, watching him squirm under the weight of the three women. Diana was living with Leona due to the League trying to keep all of the enemies close. It was a painful experience, but with Varus here…

"Why does this always happen to me. All I want to do is kill Noxians, wreck their lives, and then get rid of corruption and be a free man, but instead I get a gay roommate, a harem, and some pretty damn good tasting cookies. Thanks Leona."

"Actually it was-"

"THAT'S MISTER DOCTOR PROFESSOR MANTHEON TO YOU!"

Pantheon came into the room, helmetless (he was quite the sexy beast). He picked up Ezreal and showed him and Varus to their rooms. Varus' new room was empty with only two beds and a small night stand in between. If Varus had his way, his room would stay much the same, other than a few personal items. Of course with Ezreal in the house, this would not happen. To make matters worse, Ezreal had to share the room with Varus.

After only three days, Ezreal had already grown tired of the emptiness of the room.

"Hey, let's go out and get some stuff for this room!"

"I think it's too full of shit, much like you."

"Temper, temper Varus."

"I'm going out for a day of training. If I come back to another one of your little tricks being done, i WILL hurt you."

"Well then…"

With that, Varus, bow and quiver in hand, left the house. Ezreal was left in the room already thinking about what he would be doing that day.

**Later...**

It was dark by the time Varus returned. No one was home as far as he could tell. all the lights in the house were off, creating a sad, depressing feel. Varus felt calm for once. He made his way down the hall to his and Ezreal's room. He opened the door and turned on the light to find the most traumatic thing he had ever seen. The panties on the floor caught his attention first. Then he noticed Ezreal's bed was empty. As his eyes drifted over the room, he caught sight of two figures laying in his bed. That infuriated Varus. He didn't care if it happened in the room but it was his bed.

"Now where am I going to sleep?"

He dropped his stuff, as a clue to Ezreal that he knew, and exited his room with haste. His first thought was of the women's rooms, he put that aside the thought quickly after remembering Syndra, Zyra, and Diana were in the house. He decided that he would spend the night on the couch. He then decided that the next morning he would boil his sheets.

**Just Before Midnight…**

Varus was jolted awake by the weight of three women pressing down on him.

"Why are you on the couch?"

"Ezreal...Lux…"

"Well then why not take a hint and come with us."

With that Varus was dragged away by the three women. The rest of the night was a blur for poor Varus.

**Early Morning...**

"Ugh….where am I?"

Varus woke up with another jolt, a feeling of deja vu running through his body as he was surrounded by his "lovers". He attempted to move his arms, only to squish up against soft objects. Assuming these were pillows, he hugged his face into them and went back to sleep. Syndra awoke from her slumber and saw Varus snuggled into her chest. Satisfied, she hugged his head and stuck her tongue out at the other two.

_(And that's it for Chapter 1. Mainly just a chapter to introduce the setting and characters. The loose plot will begin next chapter and more fun times will ensue [maybe even some lemons])_

_(Hope the intro wasn't too much for you guys. This is too much for us…)_


End file.
